I think every wannabe hack has had, or will have, one of those days where they start to question why they’re doing what they’re doing. It could be when the rent is due and the freelance cheques haven’t arrived. It could be when the assignments are building up, deadlines are looming and inspiration is lacking. It could be when they’re expected to do something that they don’t agree with.

The latter is what caused me to question why I’m trying to get into journalism recently. I’d had a long and quite stressful week with a million stories falling through and no-one getting back to me. And then came Friday. Newsday.

We’d found out it was the funeral of the guy who was killed in a car crash two weeks earlier (the story I mentioned here). And our tutor asked that someone would go down and get some pictures. Now initially there was a misunderstanding, but we cleared it up and established that he was only asking us to get pictures of the hearse going in and some of the floral tributes.

However, that still didn’t sit very comfortably with me. All I could think is that if that was my friend’s funeral, I would be absolutely furious if someone turned up to take pictures. No matter how respectful they were being and how much they were staying away, I know that if I’d been in that position I wouldn’t have been happy. And as such, I wasn’t willing to cause that for someone else.

At the end of newsday, we discussed this in feedback. Another reporter had gone down to get the pictures as asked but we still thought it was necessary to discuss some people’s reservations (mine included). My tutor pointed out that it was something we could be asked to do when working at a local paper and that a news editor would not be as understanding when faced with reporters not wanting to do something. As he reminded us, we’re all going to have to do a death knock someday. And that’s something we’ll have to learn to deal with, as he said, you have to learn to switch your emotions off in these sort of situations.

And I think that’s what caused doubt in my mind more than anything. I pride myself on my ability to bottle up my emotions and get on and deal with stuff. ‘Over-emotional’ is definitely never a phrase that would be used to describe me.

So I came home from newsday feeling pretty confused about the whole situation. For the first time in my life, I was genuinely unsure that journalism was what I wanted to do. I wasn’t sure I could put myself in a situation where I would have to do things like that.

So I did what anyone would do in that situation and phoned my mum. And my mum, being the ever helpful person she is, basically said, “Don’t be so ridiculous. You’ve always wanted to do journalism. Don’t let one little thing put you off.”

And although it looks like she was being a bit harsh when I see it written down, it was actually exactly what I needed. She’s right. Journalism has always been my dream. And I’ve always known that I was going to face situations where I would be expected to do something that I thought was morally questionable. But that doesn’t mean that I should just give up because I’ve faced one hard situation. So I picked myself up, brushed myself down, ate some ice cream and got on with applying for jobs for next year.